Infinite Impossibilities of Reality
by Rigbutter96
Summary: Naruto finds a strange device that, literally, falls into his life that changes both his life, and the entire world at a whim. A very Crackish story, but with a bi of serious undertone. Multi-Crossover.


AN: Yeah, had the idea for this while writing the next chapter of Son of Madoka. Enjoy, please. No, this is not a self-insert. Rigbutter is a character from a story my Grandad told me, and his name always stuck with me.

The pairing is strictly Naruto x Female Sasuke x Female Haku x Female Kyuubi x Tayuya x Kin x Sasame x Hiyori.

Rigbutter will be paired with two Bleach girls: Kirio Hikifune and Shutara Senjumaru.

"Speaking"  
'Thinking'  
(Written things)

(Chapter 1- Creation)

He laid there, pondering the world as a light mist seeped into the area. Naruto Uzumaki shifted slightly and smiled serenely at the silence that pervaded the surrounding area, even as his mind shifted to more recent events.

The mission in Wave had gone from bad to worse after Zabuza had shown up. The man had been strong, but he had been repelled by Team 7, and taken by the Hunter-Nin, who was later revealed to be an enemy in disguise.

He had thought that, after standing his ground against Zabuza, that he may have gotten a bit of respect, but it appeared as if that had been wishful thinking. Sasuke was heaped with words of encouragement, gratitude, and approval, as if the idea to save Kakashi had been all his idea, by Sakura. Kakashi himself had been silent and had reprimanded Naruto for disobeying an order, even though Sasuke did as well, without punishment.

As he lay there, pondering the shittyness of his life, a small bundle came flying from a random portal. The parcel, wrapped carefully in brown paper and held closed by a string, landed in his lap ever so gently, making him raise an eyebrow at it's magical appearance.

Grabbing it and looking around, he tore the paper away and gazed at what lay beneath. The first of the items was what looked like a black glove, with light blue markings along it. The glove looked more like a gauntlet, but stopped just at the elbow. The fingers were cut off and in the center of the palm was a small, round space. On the back, with the marking surrounding it, was a single, round piece that had three dark orbs in it.

The second item was a notebook that, upon closer inspection, turned out to have an infinite number of pages, as well as an ink fountain pen with an infinite amount of ink in it hidden in the binding.

The third item was a scroll that had a very fancy, expensive looking seal on it.

The fourth item was a thick, leather bound book that had yellowing pages, and, like the pen and notebook, had an infinite number of pages, but a bundle of ineligible notes for several hundred of the first of the book.

The fifth item was a deck of tarot cards, each one having a different character on it, and a different name.

The final item was a note, written in a careful, well groomed handwriting, as if a true master of calligraphy had taken the time to write the note. It read:

'Dear Naruto Uzumaki,

You may be wondering just what exactly is going on, and all will be explained in due time. But, for now, please select a specific card out of the Tarot Deck, and channel some chakra into it. The card you must select, should you choose to do so, will change your life in an infinite number of ways.

The card you must select is 'The Nox'.

Good Day,  
Rigbutter'

Shaking his head, the blonde thought of what he should do. It was obvious that this package was made for him, and that this man, Rigbutter, wanted him to do something. The question was: Did he really want to do it?

He looked at the items and frowned. If he didn't and brought them back to the house, then Sasuke would demand them from him, and Sakura and Kakashi would pester him about it until he gave in.

Nodding in a determined manner, the Uzumaki rummaged through the deck before finding the right card, which red 'The Nox' at the bottom. The image on the card was of a strange man with lighter black hair, a black goatee, with sharp yellow eyes. He wore a full body armor suit, which was comprised of mostly black, but had white trim along the outside edges of the armor. On his back was a longsword that had small runes printed along it, and looked rather plain. Channeling his chakra into the card, he dropped it as smoke poured out, and the man himself stood to his full height of 5'11".

"Whoa, what a rush! I can't believe I'm finally out of that fucking card!" The man said, stretching his arms out as he jumped up and down. He finally settled down and looked at Naruto, who was slightly shocked, but his usual mask of idiocracy fell and he was unable to comprehend what had happened. "hey, are you Naruto Uzumaki? You kinda look like him."

"Y-yeah. I am. Why? Who wants to know?" Was the cautious reply of the teen. The man grinned and bowed at the waist, a grand flourish of movement.

"My name is Rigbutter the Nox, humble servant and teacher to the new master of the Mugen. It is my duty, nay, my privilege to teach you how to use it properly, as well as learn it's many, many functions, doodads, and other such things. Now, let's begin!"

"W-Wait! What the hell is this Mugen? What the fuck is going on? What in the name of all things is a Nox?" Naruto gasped out, rather put off by the speed things were progressing. He had just met the man, for god's sakes!

"To answer in order: That is lesson number one, you have been given a great gift, and me." Rigbutter explained carefully, or as carefully as he really cared. "Now, Lesson one: The Mugen. What it is is a device capable of creating an infinite number of impossibilities, and bringing them to life via the hand of the creator of said impossibilities. It is a valuable tool capable of many things, and we'll go over their abilities in lesson two. Now, Lesson two: What it does is exactly as I said; it can do anything and everything! All you need to do is decide exactly what you want to happen, then write it down in the journal! Then, after activating the journal, it happens! The glove works differently. By activating it with your Chakra, you can use it to distort reality around you, into a kind of 'God Mode' for however long your chakra can hold it, and at higher levels, which we'll get to later, much more powerful and with no time limit."

Naruto stared at the man for a full minute, unnerving him with the intensity if the gaze. Finally, he spoke. "...So, what do I do now?"

"Now? I explain the rules for using the Mugen. Number One: You cannot directly affect people, or their decisions. That means you can't write something like 'Bob will eat a waffle.' You can, however, indirectly affect people, like 'Bob suddenly felt a very heavy interest in tasting waffles.' You can directly control people when you get to the next level, but we'll get to that later. You got it? Good. Number Two: You cannot kill someone with the Mugen, but you can if you get to a high enough level. At most, right now, you can hurt a person to a certain degree; from a stubbed toe to the loss of hair. Number Three: You cannot bring someone back from the dead, unless you get a high enough level. Number Four: At your level, you are incapable of creating life of any kind, so no animals or people yet, but you can make blades, just not big ones like zanbato or katana, more like a wakizashi or tanto. Any questions?" He got none and moved right along. "You may be wondering exactly what I meant by higher level, well, the big leather book is actually has a detailed description of your stats and abilities recorded within it, and the Mugen Glove, as we shall now call it, can directly access this information at will. The book, called the Infinity Book, also allows you to 'level up', if you will, your skills and other such things. It has a detailed list of every ability the Mugen can give to you, and you can even create your own. However, the book automatically categorizes the abilities based upon Beginner, Intermediate, and Expert level. Make an ability to turn yourself into a living, breathing dragon? Expert. Make an ability to make yogurt shoot from your armpits? Beginner. You catch my drift? Anyways, each rank has one hundred levels to them, from Beginner level zero to level ninety-nine, from Intermediate level zero to level ninety-nine, and so on."

"So, basically, this makes me a God? Capable of making ANYTHING happen?"

"Pretty much."

"This is so fucking badass. Can I change, like, my appearance?"

"Fuck yeah! But first, you need to sign the book, channel some chakra into the glove, and write your name in the journal. That way, they only react to YOUR will. Also, grab the Tarot Deck. It'll be useful for when your Beginner Level 1."

Doing as told, Naruto signed the book and saw how the former unintelligible pages became a detailed list of his current condition, abilities, and appearance, as well as the option to change his appearance at will. Signing the journal was easier, and faster, than the book. When he channeled his chakra into the glove, activating it and showing the books knowledge, only more conveniently placed on his right arm. It also changed to a full black glove with a metal contraption on his wrist, with a dark screen. (AN: Pip-Boy 3000) He cycled through the menu's and saw the different things, such as the list of skills, what was called 'perks', or learned abilities, the S.P.E.C.I.A.L skill list, as well as the upgrade menu. It was really cool, but he noticed the image changer.

Accessing that function, he brought up the image of himself and saw what he could change. He looked through each one. He stopped for a minute and thought about what he could change. He had never really liked his bright hair, it was too bright and obnoxious, not like a shinobi should be. He was kind of jealous of Sasuke with his dark black hair, and made up his mind to make it that black, while keeping it's spikiness. Adjusting the color, he soon noticed his own hair had changed as well. Smiling, he went over the rest of the functions and gave a sigh. "So, it says here, that I can 'Level Up'. How do I do that?"

"Well, go to the Level Up menu on your Pip-Boy, and follow the instructions. Pretty neat, huh?"

Naruto did as instructed and went to the menu, and examined the message.

(Level Up!)

(Congratulations, you have progressed to Beginner Level 5 for completing Initial Activation and Information Stage!)

(Please distribute 50 points to choice of skill!)

(Kenjutsu: 5  
Genjutsu: 5  
Ninjutsu: 15  
Taijutsu: 10  
Juinjutsu: 0  
Fuuinjutsu: 5  
Survival: 15  
Speech: 10  
Barter: 5  
Charisma: 15  
Science: 5  
Medicine: 0  
Mugen: 10  
Chakra Control: 5  
Chakra Capacity: 20)

Naruto looked at the skills he had and sighed. He was, by far, very behind in all aspects of the Shinobi, and looked at the different areas he could upgrade. He decided to upgrade some of the ones that had caught his interest, and added the points he had to the different areas.

(Kenjutsu: 25  
Genjutsu: 5  
Ninjutsu: 15  
Taijutsu: 10  
Juinjutsu: 0  
Fuuinjutsu: 5  
Survival: 15  
Speech: 10  
Barter: 5  
Science: 5  
Medicine: 0  
Mugen: 20  
Chakra Control: 15  
Chakra Capacity: 20)

He was continued on with the instructions and came to the next menu, where he had to select two perks from the few available.

(Alchemy: By sacrificing your right arm, you can gain an iron one and use the lost art alchemy, and unlock the skill path in the Beginner Stage.)

(Necromancer: By sacrificing a portion of blood, you can bring small minions back from the dead, and activate the skill path in the Beginner Stage. Bonus: Crash Magic in Beginner Stage!)

(Reaver: By sacrificing your soul, you can become a blood crazed warrior with a near invincible defense and activate the skill path in the Beginner Stage.)

(Assassin: Learn the ways of the creed and unlock Eagle Vision, as well as the Assassin Equipment, on the Beginner Stage.)

(Apocalypse Dragon Slayer: Become the son of Acnologia, and learn the moves and abilities of a First Generation Dragon Slayer on the Beginner Stage.)

(Arrancar: Become a Hollow Warrior, and gain a Zanpaktou and the abilities it comes with in the Beginner Stage.)

Naruto looked slightly disappointed that he didn't have very many perks unlocked, but looked at the three in a careful consideration. He chose the Alchemy and Necromancer perks, knowing that they would become incredibly useful later on, and saw that the Necromancer came with the added bonus of this 'Crash Magic'.

Now he was looking at the S.P.E.C.I.A.L menu and saw he had six points to work with, while his S.P.E.C.I.A.L attributes weren't entirely bad, and saw they affected his skill points, as in adding and subtracting points from each one for every point added to one of the S.P.E.C.I.A.L.

Strength: 6  
Endurance: 6  
Charisma: 7  
Intelligence: 3  
Agility: 5  
Luck: 10

His eyebrows rose in shock at how high his luck was, and saw it was maxed out. Sighing, he put three points in Intelligence, one in strength, and the last in Agility.

Seeing that he was done, he submitted the Level Up, and nearly screamed in agony as his right arm was replaced by a metal one, and he felt himself become smarter, and learn several new abilities and his chakra become more in control, the only problem was it hurt like a motherfucking bitch after being analy violated by a rabid baboon that was previously used to test heavy doses of LSD by a psychotic scientist, who, for all intents and purposes, had a horrible home life where he was abused verbally and emotionally by his wife, leading him to eventually commit suicide..

Rigbutter watched and caught the teen after he was done, and sighed as he saw the arm. Just great, an alchemist. Just what he needed. Shaking his thoughts away, he helped the recovering teen stand and let him get used to the arm and knowledge, as well as the feeling of his appearance and increase of his S.P.E.C.I.A.L attributes. "Yeah, the first Level Up is hard. And considering that you became level 5 right off the bat is impressive."

"T-Thanks. But, I need to get back to my T-Team." Was his rather shaky reply.

"We can't, not until you test the reality changing feature of the Mugen. Now, take the notebook and write down something that you want to happen, and will it to happen."

Naruto sat down heavily and opened the book and uncapped the pen, finding his arm not all that hard to use, and thought for a moment. He smirked as he quickly wrote a paragraph.

(Sasuke Uchiha, at approximately 7:30 PM looked at her team and revealed 'his' biggest secret. Stepping up to them, 'he' removed a hidden Genjutsu seal and revealed 'himself' to be truly a girl. Sasuke, whose true name was Satsuki, was a fairly tall raven haired girl that looked nearly exactly like her mother, with straight black hair and onyx eyes. She had a nice, C-Cup sized chest and a tight bubble but with shapely hips and legs.

She talked to all of them, explained the reasoning of the Council using her as breeding stock, and confessed she had feelings for Naruto, if only as a crush that could eventually turn into a deep and passionate love, all the while supporting him in his darkest moments.)

Rigbutter read it, and saw the indirect influence Naruto had used against the Uchiha, and smirked. "Genderbending? Seriously? Would've thought you would make yourself Hokage or something."

"Hey, you told me to test it, and I did the first thing that came to mind! And besides, what better way to test the limits on this thing than a full blown creation of a Female Sasuke? Besides, this is my 'story' as you put it, I can do whatever the hell I want!"

"I'm not dissing what you did. Far from it. I was just curious as to why you did so? Aside from the testing of limits and shit."

"I have no idea other than boredom and shock. Shit, I half expect to wake up and realize that this was all a dream."

"Well, let's get back to that house and think of a way to explain this to everyone." he climbed onto a nearby boulder and sat down comfortably, patting the spot next to him. "Come on, hop up."

Doing as instructed, Naruto asked. "Why are we on a boulder?"

"The pioneers used to ride these babies for miles, making travel far easier. And damn do they go fast!'

"Wha-" He was cut off as the boulder suddenly lurched and they were dragged by it to the home of Tazuna, going an easy fifty in a matter of three seconds. "HOLY SHIT! THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME! WHT DOESN'T ANYONE EVER USE THEM ANYMORE?"

"I KNOW, RIGHT? IT'S BECAUSE THEIR ALL DICKWAFFLES!"

The ride was short, something Naruto was sad about, but enjoyable as Rigbutter stepped off of the boulder and looked around. The place was a shithole, a well taken care of shithole, but still a shithole all the same, and he felt disgust at the sight of the people dying. Sighing, he looked at Naruto as the teen opened the door and lead him inside, where his team was.

Kakashi looked up from his porn and saw a black haired Naruto standing there with a strange man behind him in strange armor. "Naruto, is that you? What happened, who is this?"

"Well, Kakashi-Sensei, it went something like this..."

(Gonna Skip the Long Explanation)

"...And so we rode the boulder back from the clearing, which was fun as hell, and now here we are."

It was such an insane story that Kakashi had to believe him. The fact that he had been given a near godlike tool and power capable of such amazing things was mindblowing. "Naruto...this is...I have no idea what to say..."

"Say nothing, Kakashi. Naruto will be taken on as my student to be taught how to use the Mugen properly." Rigbutter said, his feet proudly held on the table as he leaned back. "The fact of the matter is, Naruto has been given a chance to become the most powerful being in all the world, and has a responsibility to learn as much as possible about the Mugen, and if he isn't taught right away, he'll eventually do something stupid and kill every last thing in existence."

The other two Genin were looking at Naruto in a different light now, both of them negative. Sakura looked at Naruto as if he were a monster, capable of killing them all. She made a mental note to stay away from him.

Satsuki, however, was happy that her not-so-secret crush had managed to get something so powerful in his arsenal. Maybe, with these new bloodlines he had, she could have a chance at getting him, without the interference of the Council?

Kakashi simply sighed at the amount of paperwork that reporting this would require, and mentally cursed nearly everyone who managed to do it so fast.

Rigbutter simply patted the now crying man on the shoulder, having long since beaten the horrible beast of paperwork.

Truly, he did pity the man.

"Listen, you need as much help as you can get to defeat Zabuza and his apprentice. And I just so happen to enjoy the company of the kid here, so I'll stick around and teach him, as MY apprentice, and help take the giant ass sword user out. Besides, the Kid needs to learn to use the Tarot deck properly, and summon some help if he needs it."

"What exactly will you teach him?"

"The Mugen isn't just capable of changing reality, it can also be used as a weapon. I once played a videogame, something I'll explain later, called Singularity where the hero had the ability to age or de-age anything. The Mugen can do that as well, and I believe it would be an excellent tool to have. In fact..." Rigbutter grabbed the Mugen on Naruto's hand and fiddled with it for a bit, before, on the back of the gauntlet, there appeared a strange device that was glowing a light orange, that he gestured to. "...It is now set to that function."

Naruto looked at it, before glancing at a piece of wood, before raising his hand and concentrating. In a split second, the wood was completely rotted, and began to dissolve the more he focused. After a minute, he was exhausted and nearly collapsed. "Damn, that is a Chakra Monster!"

"It happens when you use an ability for the first time, Kid. The more you use and Practice with it, the easier it becomes. Now, the name of that bad boy is...Tokuiten." Rigbutter said and explained. Seriously, there were so many different things out there, he felt he was going to spend most of it explaining shit. "Now, we go and get a good nights sleep, then wake up and begin practicing on all of your very recently acquired abilities, and I can get briefed on what the current state of affairs in this...Pisshole, is."

It sounded like a good plan, so everyone went to bed, happy to get to rest and sleep after an eventful day. Naruto bunked with Rigbutter and Kakashi in the now designated mens room, while Satsuki and Sakura bunked in the girls room.

Before they all left, Satsuki asked if Rigbutter could alter her clothes to be more feminine. Her reply had been. "Ask the Kid in the morning, but for now, try to make do."

(Next Morning)

Naruto awoke and stumbled down the stairs of Tazuna's Home to an interesting sight. Rigbutter was at the stove, cooking eggs and bacon, while Tsunami sat beside Kakashi and Satsuki, cleaning and gutting numerous wild animals, various eggs, as well as a ton of furs all over the kitchen. Sakura was a ways away, trying not to get the smell of dead meat on her. Tazuna was helping as well by collecting firewood and building a makeshift smokehouse so the meat would last, while Inari helped him by grabbing bundles of sticks.

Seeing that he could help, he took out a kunai and, literally, dug in, carving strips of meat and separating organs into piles. "Say, why are we keeping all of these organs?"

Rigbutter answered his question. "Certain organs are good for certain parts of the body. Hearts are good for digestion, while Livers are delicious and full of protein. Gizzards are great for the eyes, and everything else can be made into sausage. "

"Oh, thanks Rigbutter."  
"Please, call me Rigg, Rigbutter is more of a formality anyways." Rigg said. He wasn't much for full names, and preferred to give nicknames or non-formal titles. "But for now, we'll be discussing politics."

"Why?" Even the others were curious as to why the kind, yet strange and random man wanted to discuss politics.

"To survive the Council, you need to know the walk and talk. Ignorance is the main enemy we're battling right now, and we gotta get you prepared for anything they may throw at you. As a future Clan Head, ya gotta be careful, though, as there is no such thing as an ally in the world of politics. Everyone, even relatives, are enemies until they are proven one hundred percent positive of being allies."

"What about fellow Clan Members?"

Satsuki answered before Rigg could. "Especially Clan Members. If you don't show yourself as an Iron Wall, then they'll walk all over you. In order to be an effective Clan Head, you need to have an air tight circle of confidants, people you KNOW you can trust."

The lesson continued all through the day as they cleaned, everyone pitching in and adding, even if limited, knowledge about politics, while Rigg had him use the Tokuiten on some of the meats to age them, slowly giving him progress, and other times he had him use his Alchemy skills to combine furs to make different ones, and even still he had him resurrect skeletons to carry the meat to Tazuna, who then smoked it.

It was a nice day, where a lot was accomplished, and everyone went to bed, three of them having eaten more food than they had in nearly eleven months. They were eternally grateful to the man who had gone out and returned with the massive amount of dead animals, and had graciously given them a means to eat for the next few months.

He wasn't one to take such credit without humility, as he was a humble Nox, and as such he accepted it with the grace and dignity such a position afforded him.

He sobbed anime tears about how he was finally getting the respect he deserved, before he began to sing horrible songs that made everyone lose any and all respect for the man.

Naruto, for his part, just shook his head and sighed as he examined his shitty jumpsuit. Maybe he could talk to Rigg about using the Mugen to get him some new threads.

Something with a little less orange.

But for now, he had a lot of practice to master these abilities, and needed some time to do so. Time he didn't have here in Wave with the threat of Zabuza and Gato. Maybe he needed to ask Rigbutter if there was a way to gain years worth of experience utilizing an ability that he had learned from being betrayed by a pathetic excuse for a Chunin, combined with a chamber of Hyperbolic capable of making one day equal a year, combined, to give him a massive jump in ability?

Maybe.

But, for now, he had to work on his Mugen and the Tokuiten he had been given, knowing that if he didn't train to use them right, then he could accidentally do something wrong and lead to complications down the road, or even Rigbutter getting hurt. The man had randomly appeared, in all honesty out of thin air, given him the tool to better his life, let him ride a boulder that moved faster than a Shinobi, and several other things. He would be damned if he let the man get hurt inadvertently by his hand.

As for the man himself, Rigg was far too busy thinking of his own plight to even care about what Naruto had sworn to himself, as he was far too busy trying to think of a way to explain to his lovely companions, whom he had left behind when coming here, exactly why he did so. The fact of the matter was, he had no wish to die by either of their swords, as that would, without a doubt, result in his death. And he was far too pretty to die! He was Rigbutter the Nox, Master of the Five Iron Fighting Style, defeater of Zadadine the Merciless, Grand Sugar Daddy of the Order of the Perverts, Grade A Connoisseur of Women's Busts, and grand Puba of the Order of the Chimichanga, whom his associate, Deadpool, helped him found.

He was way too cool and awesome to die.

(Unknown Location)

A man with slicked back, metallic grey hair with dark and cruel eyes gazed at the surrounding countryside in a disinterested manner. He wore noble looking clothing of a western style, in the form of a full black suit that was composed of a black button up shirt, a black overcoat, a black tie, and black slacks, with a single leather glove over his right hand, that covered every inch of his body from his neck down, a pair of leather shoes that looked expensive on his feet, with a simple black knife in his right inner pocket, as he walked down the nearest road. There was something sinister about him as he watched two people come down the opposite way, a man and woman, and saw that they were wearing clothing of a Feudal Japan Era peasant.

They stopped to look at him, and he them, before one of them pointed and spoke in, what her believed, was an insolent tone.

"Anata wa mishiranu hito, dare desu ka?"

The man raised an eyebrow before slowly taking his glove off. He smirked as he flexed his fingers, revealing that his hand had a human eye in it, forever etched into a visage of agony as his fingers and tendons popped. "I do not understand what you are saying, but thank you, for you have made my job all the more easier."

He sprang forward, showing an ungodly amount of speed, grabbing the man by the face, the eye opening and glowing white for a few moments as he absorbed the knowledge from the mans head, before crushing it. he turned and did the same with the woman, before he smirked and walked away, towards the nearest settlement from what he read in the couples minds before exterminating them.

And it just so happened that the nearest settlement was Wave, where he sensed a familiar energy, one he hadn't felt in years.

Rigbutter the Nox, his old 'friend' and the man who he hated more than even all of the forms of humanity.

AN: This is, without a doubt, going to be a semi-crack story, but it will have some strange crap that will happen.

I would also like to commission anyone to attempt to draw Rigbutter and Akuma who, yes, is the bad guy, as I have no good drawing of them to use as a cover. For details, please PM me and tell me if you're interested, before sending in what you believe Rigbutter and Akuma look like based off of my rather bad description of the both of their appearances.

Now, expect the unexpected and hail the Mugen!


End file.
